K.

Life has finally settled down for me. I mean in a peaceful way. My best friend once said it’s time to get used to staleness as one grows older. I am still trying to strike a balance between being open to new interesting experiences and holding on to stability within the comfort zone by sticking to family and good old friends. I know I am not alone in this. But today, I have a strong feeling towards sticking to who you truly are. No matter how envious I may seem to get while watching couples go lovey-dovey or having someone to turn to for protection and comfort, I know that when the time comes, I still run away. No kidding. Be it whether I’m interested or not. Escapism will be the first way out for me, before getting messed up by the thought of either consequence. I have grown strong, maybe a little too much, but I did, day after day. In so, my dreams grow bigger too. And sometimes I really have no idea how much I am willing to sacrifice if the man comes. But anyway the point is that when I look at my life now, I am content and so grateful for the friends around me, especially the ones who stayed with me through. I love them so much sometimes I just want to give them a big warm hug, and tell them how much I cherish them. I do my best not to take the good things in life for granted. Cause you never know. 

Love, k 

Amongst all the lucky streaks I had been going through these few weeks, everything came crashing down all in one go today. I got out of bed this morning, feeling jolly good about the week, to have that greeted by a closed door. Yes a bunch of us were locked out of class for being five minutes late. Apparently there were no warning signs, only last week, which I had a pretty good excuse for absence. Having that as the only lesson of the day, we spent one out of three hours in proper, and the rest just plain watching. Lame. Then I finally got down to the city to replace my faulty iPhone, with the pure intention to ease my parents’ nag that had been constantly going on for two months. It was successful. Great. The best part had not yet to come. It was when I went to get a screen protector at Lucky Plaza. That mall is seriously the last place to go to for any service. Not going into details, but in a whole, I got insulted in exchange of a substandard quality service product. Having decided to skip the bother of creating a din, I had it treated like throwing money to some lowly uneducated dirty douchebags on the streets. The day had not ended till I came home to realize my phone was merely half backed up, when I specially made an effort to check this morning, which explained the reason why I was late. 

Now I just want to sleep this away and hope tomorrow gets better.

Love, k

I had the first HAWKMAN gathering last night, held at Old School Timbre. It was one of the rare times I actually initiated a gathering. It’s not that I’m suffering from some major post-camp syndrome, but I gonna admit, I do miss these bunch of volunteers. I’m still grateful to have them in my group. Besides their mighty enthusiasm and the hilarious jokes I often get easily amused by, there were times I got inspired by them too. One of which was when a volunteer named WJ showed me how one should treat these beneficiaries as one of us, instead of the usual generosity people tend to offer. These beneficiaries may seem to have more difficulties integrating into the society as compared to the more fortunate ones like us. However, it does not mean they have to be treated in any way different from us, and i mean special. In fact, treating them to grow up like what a man ought to do is healthier for their psychological growth. I mean what you perceive is what you get. How you treat them will make them feel how they should be treated. In this case, different. Perhaps if they are able to at least see themselves as one of us, it can narrow the disparity gap deemed by the society. Who knows? They may grow up to be just as successful, or even better. 

Love, k

Have you heard of book craving? I just had one today. 
So i just swiftly walked into a bookstore and grabbed a book.
Turns out to be.. 

‘The Lucky One’ by Nicholas Sparks 

Today marks the end of 3d2n Y’Camp Challenge March 2012, also the end of 3 months of weekly planning. I personally had a fulfilling experience, with my group ‘Hawkman’ being the most enthusiastic of them all. For this, I wish to credit the effort to my awesome buddies and volunteers. Their cooperation and enthusiasm made work so much easier for me & S. It’s been some time since I felt such eagerness in YCC that I felt everything for me came alive; The passion to serve, the willingness to empower and the utmost commitment to the team. Every moment went past like sparkles, and I could see all my volunteers and buddies learn and grow. Having a strange eye for crisis management at times, I do wonder if its all too good to be true, or if it would have a greater impact if obstacles were overcome in the first place. But I would say, I did witness miraculous moments during camp, and it lighted up the passion of why I chose to serve once again. Thanks to high elements, I saw how the bond forged and trust accumulated between the buddy pair ripe and blossom. And I know how that particular leap of faith can go a long long way for both of them. As a leader, I could say I have achieved my expectations and this would definitely be one of the most memorable YCC I would ever have.

Having spent almost 2 years in YCC, I have seen myself grow so much, from a girl volunteering out of interest, to having one with passion, and now almost turning it into a routine. There were ups and downs when I found myself struggling to keep a balance between studies and volunteering, how I tried to temporarily detach myself away from it to find myself coming back for more. I came to realize this is because this is what I truly enjoy doing most and what i am seemingly good at. Amongst the encouragement letters I received today, one wrote how I own the asset of having able to connect and relate to people so easily.

For that, I’m blessed.

Love, k 

I just found someone like a person I used to deeply love. No I should say I just uncovered a side of a person who spoke exactly like that. It’s funny how I still continued debating over the entire issue, with the same unwavering stand, like a year ago, just that now I don’t seem to be within the context itself. Thankfully. I wonder if I should be glad to be surrounded by these guardian angels, people who just rather be there watching me from above. And whether or not there will be a chance anyone will fight for me at all. Only time will tell. 

Love, k

On this seventh day in Cambodia, I have realized that I really do not enjoy bargaining as much as I thought I will. It actually makes me feel stingy, like c’mon a few bucks only. Yet if you don’t, you know well you will be conned, real bad.

So this leads me on to another question, how bad is bad exactly? Most of the time, you evaluate the item’s worth by comparing the price of the same item at another shop. If it is cheaper, you feel like stabbing yourself. Yet if it is more expensive, oh yay awesome good job! 

This reminds me of ‘Social Comparison Theory’, where we tend to evaluate ourselves and our standing in the world based on people around us. Is it true that one’s success is based on someone else’s failure? In this case, is the seller’s earnings equivalent to the buyer’s loss? 

I beg to differ. I feel that, as much as the cost of item should not be jacked up to a point which they call a ‘black market’, the worth of item should still be weighed according to your own ability to afford it. There will always be a place that sells the same item at a lower price or of a better quality. Comparison can be measured to the extent of eternity. Frankly saying, how much time in life do we have for that?

My Cambodian translator just shared with me this meaningful quote; “Success: Get what you want. Happiness: Want what you get.” 

I want to be both successful and happy.

Love, k