I spent a whole afternoon finding myself yesterday.
Had an impromptu stroll along Little India. Felt like a tourist, with shades on this sunny day, stopped by and got a henna ‘Kevina’ drawn on my back just below the neck, a simple lunch of egg prata. It was good. Found lots of good deals like $2 for a pair of shades that can cost up to $10 even at Bugis Street and $5 for vintage watches that look exactly the same as those sold on Blogshops for $18. Next stop to Haji Lane! The most memorable shop was ‘Doinky Doodles’ just along the entrance of Haji Lane, where it sells the loveliest handicraft items. I even got something for my friend cause it reminds me of her. Other than hipsters and expensive, supposedly exclusive items, honestly I prefer Little India. Or maybe it’s about expectations. Anyway, I’m excited to post the pretty pictures of the littlest things I’ve seen that day!
Spending time alone on a weekday afternoon when the world is quiet, as everyone is busy at work or studying in school. It’s sorta therapeutic. I don’t even need to have my earphones on as I usually do (even without music sometimes). Taking my own pace, without having to cater to anyone else’s needs, smiling at strangers and being polite. Life feels beautiful at that moment.
I fix you. Then I fix myself.
When people say ‘What have you been doing lately?’, I say ‘Balancing Life’.
Putting time out on a wide spread and slotting the important ones in while saving some time for myself. My family has been asking me to take care of my own body. And then I stare at the mirror and realized how much I have ‘aged’, not in a more-wrinkles-or-white-hair kind of way, but jaded may be the word. I have neglected my body at the expense of meeting expectations.
Each time I get used to things, they vanish into thin air and I’m expected to adapt, just like everyone does. People come and go. Every 3 months, it’s a whole new chapter. I’m not ready, to face new people, or meet the ones who have gone and came back, people whom you may spend the most time with yet you feel the least towards. I guess I have spent my life holding on to everyone, I have learnt it’s almost impossible. This may be the reason behind my ‘Priorities’ friend.
If there’s something you should take back from reading this, that is…
“The ones closest to you will never leave you. You may not see them everyday, but they will never lose sight of you. They will always find their way back to you, no matter what happens. So don’t be afraid, darling. The ones who are worth it will stay, for you”
Alright, let me tell you what I want.
I want to live happy.
I want to help people I can in this world.
I want to make this world a better place.
I want to do all these without forgetting my loved ones.
I want to always hold them close to my heart.
I want my best friends to define me for who I am.
I want others to see me and know I will always protect the same few.
I want my life to be meaningful.
I want to never get bored of life.
I want to always get inspired by this world.
I want to love in a special way I do.
I want the best for the people I love.
I want to achieve my ambitions with them by my side.
I want to be proud of myself and so will they.
It was all good you thought it was just raining till it came the storm. That was my weekend which just passed. Albeit minor, it was a harsh calling on me. I fell deeply into my most vulnerable state and instead of crying to sleep, I picked up the phone this time, oh finally the courage to face up to it. Crying out your deepest anxiety to the dearest one is often like catharsis, a form of emotional relief. They being the only few who know you well enough inside out are so important because they are the most honest with you, even when you aren’t treating yourself well enough for that. They shake you awake with a wake up call and all of a sudden, you know you are Home and all you need is a good rest. It’s been a tough ride. I didn’t know when it started but I know it’s been about two years. Every single time I thought I was getting better, it just gets worse. I find myself stuck in The Busy Trap. And it’s time to admit - I AM LOST. In the midst of searching of where I belong, out of mere desperation and anxiety, out of breaking free and not conforming, I lost my sense of direction. I no longer knows what’s good and what’s not. I am starting to feel the life of a creative person. Not to say I am one, but the kind of moment when you crave for mild inspiration or when you need a pen & paper everywhere you go just to doodle and write off something on your mind, you know, there’s something in you that’s eager to break free. Yet hold on. Let’s take it slow. I contradict myself a lot just so you know. So one day, I want to be alone. The next, I need a good company. So let’s go straight to the point. You figure out that life has been getting way too hectic when you know you practically HAVE NO TIME FOR ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE. It’s time to stop, stop running, and concentrate on the ones around you. They need you and you can’t just take them for granted for your own future sake. There’s different goals in everyone’s life but you know you definitely don’t want to be at the top, alone. So hold on, just breathe.
Everything’s gonna be alright.
I love Fridays, especially today. Cause there’s sort of no work. Blame it on my body clock, I can’t even snooze past 11am, I was wide awake at 9am and I just couldn’t fall back into sleep. So I’m writing this in a dark room with curtains sheltered from the blazing morning sun and wrapped under a warm blanket with a cup of chocolate milk and some bread on the table. Oh life’s good.
So yes, there’s going to be a company lunch at Watami in Central during noon & company review at Settlers’ Cafe thereafter (Yay board games & some good bonding, why not! Hehe) I LOVE MY JOB! Wait, having said that and spending 1.5 months in this company, i think it’s time to start thinking about my takeaways. It’s nice when your boss is concerned about how much you are learning and anything else you are keen to take up. I can’t stand it myself when I am not prepared to answer with tons of burning questions or a handful of takeaways to be proud of. I guess sometimes you just live day by day, with the flow, deals with everything that comes and just be comfortable with routines you don’t even realize when your life starts staying rather… stagnant.
Anyway it’s been a busy week, not exactly socially kind of busy but if you want to know I have 4 out of 7 days meant for tuition. In fact, having been giving tuition to 2 kids for the past 6 months (recently one more of the sisters) honestly I feel that tuition keeps me rooted sometimes. I mean it keeps me sane. At times, you get so caught up with the world out there, hanging out in your ‘oh jolly twenties’ world, you forgot the world doesn’t just revolve around harsh judgments, top achievements and so on. It brings me to another bunch of living souls who are still working very hard, like breeding buds, preparing themselves for the society. Talking to the parents makes me feel how tough the ride had been for my own when I was young. I am humbled at how these parents present me as a hardworking role model in front of their kids and I just want to tell these kids how sweet they already are, that all these stress and anxiety will be left behind, gone and silly were those days. But then again, by then, they would probably forget how painful it used to be.
I always look at these beautiful single ladies & I assure them they will definitely find a fine looking young man one day who deserves them as much as they do themselves. But why. I could never say this to myself.
Does the title sound familiar to you? Everyone is only entitled 24 hours a day, yet some people find the best of it while the rest spend more time whining about how insufficient their time is. WHY. Because we choose to spend time the way we want it. And the lucky and smarter ones can just forgo some commitments (most of the time those which everyone else is doing) and reach out for the ones beneficial to truly themselves. It is hard isn’t it? To say no to your friends, late night suppers, all the fun everyone wish they could have. We all think being ‘hapz’ (‘happening’) or being ‘popz’ (‘popular’) makes your life seem more fulfilling. Not true. Hmm depends.
For me, I find myself staying home more than I used to lately, or at least I try my best to. I spread out my social commitments. I make more time for people I rarely get to meet and lessen time for the ones I meet everyday. It’s not that I don’t appreciate these people, or take it as it comes (definitely no!) but I have learnt that time is short and this world is huge. You can call me a free bird, one who wishes to fly, see the world, and is not afraid, one whom no one can keep it in a cage, for it gets even further out of sight, one who will come back home eventually no matter what as it’s the only place it feels safe with everyone it loves.
So the reason I’m writing this is because I just had an interesting read and it is worthy to share. I know we have all read enough about losing commitments, sleep and wake up early, eat lesser junk food, lead a healthy lifestyle… But some of it does hit me hard.
“Here’s a secret: the people and organizations you’ve been helping or working with will live. They will go on doing what they were doing without you, and (omg!) they will survive without you. Your departure will not cause the world to collapse. Let go of the guilt.”
Time only goes forward, not backwards.
From today onwards, this tumblr will be different. When I say different, I means better. Besides writing down my thoughts and perspectives about what’s going on around me, I want to show you the world beyond me, interesting posts I come about, fun facts, amazing people, just lots of good stuff. In order to get inspiring, you have to first be inspired. I want to be filled with fascination everyday. I want to look forward to tomorrow. I want to live hard and love hard. I shall not sit and wait for good things to happen. I want to reach out to them. Lately, I’ve been feeling a strong desire for inspiration and I want to hold on to it. I’m still young and there’s so many things I want to do in life. So do keep a lookout for more captivating posts coming up!
Photo credits back to 20th July 2011.
That’s almost a year ago. Life was pretty awesome back then and it still is.
Carpe Diem, k
This may be an ordinary orchid farm but it used to be the most wonderful place for me to spend every Sunday. It is a place full of childhood memories. Along with my cousins, we were kids who drew our own hopscotch game using charcoal, who used to fight over one computer for silly games like Street Fighter or Batman, who learnt cycling and we would cycle our way to the nearest pet farm and feed the birds and chickens, when we used to play with our grandma’s male dog called ‘Da Li’, when I was born too late to meet ‘Da Ji’ (together they are the ‘Da Ji Da Li’). They were my grandma’s loyal friends and even though time has took them away from us, they remained dear in our hearts. Let’s not forget the rooster’s ‘cock-a-doodle-doo’ during breaking dawn, where the kittens probably become the new owners of the cage now. Times are different now. There’s no more tamagotchi, rubber skipping ropes nor five stones. You see the kids these days with their hands stuck on their phones and eyes glued to the computer. You just hope they could have a taste of what you had, like how our parents hope we lived in kampong and learn to catch guppies near the pond or rear pigs. Times may have changed but memories do last.
Inspired from ‘Dear Photograph’ blog: http://dearphotograph.com/
I’m a happy girl to see my girls for the past two nights and more to come. Had such a great time just laughing at the silliest stuff (maybe it’s just me, after-work-syndrome) but yea when life is considerably good for everyone and it’s just plain hanging out, no hard feelings, no distractions, no sorrow. Just purely happiness. Oh it feels so good.